She kept talking about it and dropping subtle hints but always went back to, “I don’t think I could really do it with another guy in front of you” She had said at other times, “I figure I will do it sooner or later.”
She said one night, “I will do it for you if you really want me to.” To which I responded that I knew if she did it to please me that at some point there would be some resentment there. I wanted to be sure SHE wanted to do it.
“Well I do want to, but…” is how she ended that conversation. Don’t get me wrong, all this was great foreplay for sex even if we never took it further, and I made that exact notation in my journal at the time. But not taking things further is not my nature. She says she wants to do something, and I go to work figuring out how to make it happen.
With her permission I ran an ad on a few meeting sites, with our plan being I would screen out the guys that would turn her off from being crude, or stupid, or someone that made me be wary as well. I gave her the responses, she read through them, and then she got a big case of cold feet. She picked out a half-dozen, Two white guys in their 30’s, an older articulate black guy, and couple of younger black guys, and one Italian. She told me to write them back and start a dialogue, but when it came time to read their responses or pick a time to chat online, she refused, saying, “None of them clicked.”
As we talked further she said, “I want to do it, but I don’t like the idea of it being pre-planned. I would be a lot more likely to do it if it was spontaneous. When I get to thinking about it I get second thoughts.”
This all happened in 12 months. One night she asked if she had received any more responses to our ads (which I had left up) and I said a few, and she said asked about the follow up letters she had not read, and remarked, “the older black guy was by far the most interesting, I would like to read his letter.”
Later in bed that night she said, “Tell me about how it would work with the Italian guy again,” and we fucked from the arousal of talking about it. And for a while what happened can best be described in snippets. Nothing significant in itself, but just little things that indicated more of her expanding sexuality and openness.
One of her best friends invited us to her house to sleep over and meet her new boyfriend, and we got drunk, went swimming, and got to talking about Mardi Gras, and before long both the women had their tops off. She loved it. She later said she got a rush out of being topless in front of another man.
I bought her a top with “SLUT” on the front of it, for photos, and finally got her to wear it under a sweater at Mardi Gras. When she would open the sweater so it could be read when the float got there she was showered in beads.
She was hard to pin down on what she really wanted at this time, but I think part of the reason was she didn’t know herself. She had often said, “I changed my mind, I’m a woman, it happens”.
For my birthday she gave me a book of coupons she had typed out on the computer, redeemable in a variety of tasks, that she had downloaded from a romance site, and two tickets had been modified for a “slut day.”
I had talked about a couple of wives on the internet who had slut days with their husbands, which usually entailed her fucking someone else. But I knew better when she gave that to me. “What does that mean?” I asked.
“I’ll do anything you want that day” she said.
“Anything?” I said.
“Well anything within reason. You know what I meant.”
I said nothing because I really didn’t know what she meant, but I figured I’d rather leave it open for possibilities. One thing I ran by her was for her to go into a bar ahead of me and flirt with guys, get hit on some, which would certainly lay the groundwork for something spontaneous. Of course finding a suitable bar (classy, with dancing for a crowd ranging from late 20’s up to mid-40’s) is not as easy as one might thing for a couple not in the bar scene).
So the coupons remained in my computer case, waiting for the right moment to be redeemed. (Many of them are still there, as things evolved she was going beyond what the coupons offered on her own.
Her current mood became “it will happen sooner or later”, but when I agreed that something she had said was a hot idea, if I brought it up later I was “pushing it.” And her natural inclination was to resist it.
The one sticking point was that she didn’t want to randomly fuck someone, but wants to have some kind of relationship with that person—going right back to the old idea that she should fall in love with anyone who stick a dick in her. I said to me it was no different than someone sucking on her nipple for beads, but she says, “That’s the difference between a man and a woman.”
The other thing was I wanted to be involved, to watch, to preview the guy for her safety—and she says I would inhibit it. My response is, “OK, recognize the first time you will be inhibited, and after I’m sure you are safe I’ll leave the room and you can let go then.”
Her preferred idea was to meet someone on her own, online or some similar way, to go meet him, fuck him, and tell me about it afterward—with my full knowledge of course but my “knowing” being my total involvement.
Sorry, but that was not enough for me. Especially knowing how I have had her review her sexual escapades of her affair, and describing sex in role playing. If she did meet some other guy, and reported back it would be, “OK, I meet him in the hotel. We went up to his room. He fucked me twice, and I came home. That’s what happened.” I needed more than that. I had to have more than that if I was sharing my wife with other men.
She had a regular guy who was still camming with her over the phone site, buying photos of her. He loved her ass, and she’s even trying to put a dildo in her ass at his recommendation, which is an absolutely verboten subject when I’m involved. He emailed and wanted to cam, and she wanted to raise some money. The idea of it must have turned her on because she wanted to go to the hot tub, and we did, with drinks.
When we came in from the tub, we started watching a porno, “Black poles in White Holes”, and as we watched she started saying as she watched, “I wish that was me…” I got out her black dildo and she was saying softly as she watched and got into, “I want to do that”. I said what, fuck a black guy or just fuck another guy,”
“You know, fuck a black guy,” she said huskily, “ I just don’t want it to be a thug, I want it to be an educated professional black guy.”
“Well I talked to a black guy online who is in the British Navy who is willing to come ot the US when he can to fuck you. He’s 6’4”—and said he has a 10 inch cock.”
“That’d be great, can I? We could take him with us to the resort, and just fuck all weekend, that would be soo hot.”
We ended up fucking and the next day she said, “I was glad I was able to open up with you last night, usually I would have shut up and held back.”