I've reported here every time she has started acting like she was getting interesting in getting back into sexual things--but the problem is she is not just not interesting in fucking anyone else, but she is not interested in fucking. And it has been a problem.
At my request when she had her annual checkup she asked the doctor, and he said, "Let me give your husband a one word answer--'romance'." (Yeah, and instant diagnosis by an idiot in my opinion). While I have stepped up the romance, I've also backed off any reference to hot wifing, frankly hoping that would work.
We laid off sex for a while, I stopped pursuing hoping it might force her to perk up some, and for the first time in a long time we started into foreplay and she asked, "Let's do a black guy role play." And we did and she started talking dirty right in the middle of it. It was great. Past experience had taught me to give her time before suggesting anything like that again--so I was very surprised when a couple of days later she asked for the same thing again.
Earlier in the evening we were talking and I told her that she was a beautiful, sexy woman and there was nothing that would change that--and she was still very desirable but she acted like she didn't know it anymore.
Later in the conversation I told her that if she never did anyone else again that was ok, but she had stopped being the best she could be.
She paused and said, "You right. I have quit trying. This is a turning point for me."
I added, "and if you never want to do black guys again that is ok, I just want you perked up."
Then she threw out, "I never said I wouldn't do a black guy again--I think I will at some point."
Then I also added something I had been thinking about for some time. "You know if you do want to do someone else you can, I don't have to be there."
"Well that has been a problem at times," she said.
"The only stipulation is I have to know about it--no deceit."
"OK, and you know you have that same freedom."
I think we officially have an open marriage. So a time for patience.
I guess we'll see how much if any of these casual conversations will actually turn into anything.
I'll post here if it does.