Friday, March 30, 2012

A Journey's curves, missed connections, and traffic jams

Imagine you are actively involved in the lifestyle of hotwifing, specifically interracial hotwifing, and everyone is apparently having a great time. And then one day it hits a wall--and your wife has no interest, even to the point of being angry if you mention it (you're pushing at that point).

So she's lost interest in playing, and the agreement has always been if one of you wanted to stop then it stopped. It is her body so she certainly has that right. (Of course you do recall the time that she said if you wanted to stop at that particular time in the past that she wouldn't).

That is what happened to us. I didn't understand it at the time, handled it poorly, which increased the anger and then to compound the problem she lost all interest in sex period. Suffice to say there was quite a bit of adjustment on my end. I didn't understand--I was too close to it.
Now I have a better understanding, and my wife seems to understand it more and our communication is much better. Here's our analysis at what happened.

First it was her age, early 50's by then, still very hot looking, in good shape--and then menopause. i.e. goodbye libido. That would end things for nearly anyone. But that doesn't come on instantly, it is a gradual decline. Meanwhile as that was happening we had a death in the family.

In addition to the grief associated it also meant we became a part-time caregiver for a family member, and it was time consuming and exhausting. We were still trying to maintain the once every 4-6 weeks of her meeting a lover, which meant we had very brief windows in which it could happen. She is tired, need rest, wanting to sleep for a day, and instead she feels like she has to take advantage of the brief window for a meeting. Circumstances are forcing it.

Throw into the mix that we had advanced in the lifestyle as you can read in past posts, from a casual meeting and going home to hosting lovers in our home, in her going out on a date, and going bareback with a couple of trusted regulars. She had even fucked one pickup in a hotel bar who brought his friend along, and he watched, took some photos with an extra camera I had, and would have enjoyed her too and did get started on a good blow job when his friend passed out cold. The standard meetings were still good. "The sex was incredible," my wife still says. But there was getting to be a routine in it too. On one of our last meetings with one of her lovers I remember thinking--where do we go from here, and is this going to continue with a lot more of the same going in basically the same 1. 2. 3. 4. steps of kissing, oral, blow-job, sex, hug-goodbye.
The excitement had worn off to a point. Still great, but not as great.

She had a couple of non-life threatening muscle/joint chronic pains that kept her in constant pain in the middle of all this too.

With all that working against us, we took a week off on a busman's holiday to Vegas. I had a couple of new guys lined up from our contact online hook-up site. We've emailed, texted, on a regular basis, up to a few hours before we're supposed to meet. Nothing. The other guy falls off the map.

Call it a perfect storm but the summation of it, according to my wife was, "This is just no fun anymore. We need to take a break." And we have done just that.

My response has evolved as well. Now my stance is "it's your body, no one wants you to do something you don't want to do, and certainly if you do not have the desire to do so. But if you do want to, you know I'm ok with it."

On our journey we are on the same page at the moment. It took a while to get here. With things on an even keel, where is it going to go from here in regards to the theme of this blog?
I don't know, we're rolling with it, not against starting again if and when she wants to. There are a couple of other statements along this line but I'll put them in a future post soon.

Meanwhile, if you would like to predict where you see things going, I'd be glad to see your comments on it.

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