Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Cautiously forward

I had ordered her some sheer tops, a fishnet stretch top that could double as a swimsuit (makes her look clothed at a distance so the neighbors don't freak when we are getting in and out of our back yard hot tub). She had been away a couple of days and as she came back I noticed she was bare. I touched her and she was smooth--I mean smooth as her cheek. "I got waxed," she said. "I did it for you."

It was nice to see her doing one of the first steps in what we had talked about her doing for me. Later I took a rub-on queen of spades tattoo and put it on her pussy. "It's big," she commented once I had it applied.
She left it that for a few days, until it started crumbling--and then she mentioned, "I'm not sure I want one permanently." I'll be fair, I went into a snit. There is a part of me that thinks if she can't do a big stretch for me on something like this--something that I said would be intimate and a secret between us, then how much could I ever trust on something else.

Later that night she said, "Well if I was with a black guy and he saw that tat, then it wouldn't be intimate just between us."  Later in the conversation, pretty well one-side as I was fighting sleep, she added, "You know if something happened to you and I was with someone else and they saw the tattoo they would know I had been with black men."

My first thought that I didn't speak was, "So?", and then the more I thought about it was again her dishonesty--she would like about it to someone else if she had a new suitor if something happened to me. I just shake my head sometimes.

I came home a day later and she had thick steaks, a bottle of one of our very favorite wines that we only use on special occasions, and I asked the occasion. She had attended a class in which the subject was introspective, along the lines of doing what you promise you will do. She was a total peace with going forward--with the tat, and the rest, and told me so. "I told you I would and I will."

On a related note, I was surfing some x-rated tube sights, opened a couple of different wife-with-black-guy ones, was watching them, and at one point I said to myself, "That black guy's voice sounds familiar." I kept watching and sure enough it was her former porn-star lover--the one guy she has already said she was willing to play with--and the one person who responded back and said he was ready any time but to just let him know so he wouldn't have a conflict. (It would appear he is is demand for this type of thing).

I watched a second one whose title sounded interesting--a heavy role playing one--and sure enough, her guy again. The biggest thing was that hit me was that he had always used condoms with us--but in all of the videos he was going bareback.

Not sure why but it made me pause, and something in my gut says he may not be the right guy to start back with.


LucyGirly said...

It's really good to see that y'all are making some progress here. I can see how tough it's been, but I think you really can make this all work.

I have been fascinated with the QoS tattoo for quite some time, but I've never seen any woman (whether in person or in a photo) that had a real one, so knowing that you're considering that is really interesting to me.

Anonymous said...

Has she made any progress yet?

LucyGirly said...

I am eagerly waiting to hear more about y'all.
It's nice to see something so real and down to earth online, so this blog has been amazing.