Only a brief update. After a year of her confession of the multiple cheating episodes, total in our marriage about 22 times, three different men, two of them black (her preference) I was frankly numb for 12 months, in total shock. This beautiful mother of my children, partner in life, the woman that I love with all my heart and soul could turn out to be some a cold heartless person. 

Don't get me wrong, she is a charmer to everyone else, good heart, sincere, friendly, no arrogance despite her beauty--her only flaw as I can see it is she has, at times, hurt me more than anyone else in the world. She destroyed my trust, my peace, and big chucks of my love for her broke off and disappeared each time she cheated. Question is now, how much is left. 

I would have left in an instant had I known when I was younger, now it is not leaving, it is more as I told her the other day as I was trying to talk my way through this, which is a mountain of crap that I am slowly chipping away at, it is not about me leaving, it is more at the end of my life what would be the answer to the question, "Was staying with my wife, or even marrying my wife, the biggest mistake of my life?" I told her I was afraid to think of the question as to what the answer might be right now. But I did tell her that her behavior from here forward will decide the answer to the question, it is hers to go either way. 

Meanwhile on a sexier note, our annual trip to the beach and watch my wife's black lover sex my wife, usually two or three evenings. I mentioned we might want to go for the record this trip with four times. 

As I don't have anyone close enough to talk to about all this, maybe this can be my sounding board.