Sunday, July 18, 2010

Reality and real life

When I started this blog real time--which some of you may find boring as we don't play as much as we like, and the more we have indulged, the intensity and desire has faded some as well.

Unless you do this for real it is hard to understand the time, work, and effort it takes to hook up with someone that fits with us based on her preferences for age, appearance, and attitude.

She likes tall, dark skinned black men, who are professional, courteous, 40 or more, flexible about getting together with us in locations outside our home town when we travel, and then can get creative in bed, comfortable with nasty talk and comfortable with a clothed husband photographing and filming. Throw that into a bundle and it gets to be a small group.

By the way, if you fit the above you probably should drop us a line.

But...and there's alway a but...

since day one our agreement about doing anything sexual in the hotwife and interracial lifestyles was if at any time either one of us wanted to stop, we stopped, full veto. Now in the meantime once she started she also declared that she was never stopping, so when questioned about the dual answers, the “I’m a woman, I have the right to change my mind,” answer appeared.

Our track record over the last 8 – 10 months hasn’t been that good. From a family crisis that took up a lot of time – not sexual related in any way but consuming time, energy, and opportunity to play—to feeling rushed and cramped it do something on the rare days available, it was tough for a hook-up.

By picking the advance dates we never knew the fatigue level, or horniness level, at the time we picked the date, and some times it was sex, and fun, but exhausting.

I was out of town for a few days, returned home, we went to the hot tub with drinks, and started talking. “I’ve been thinking, and I want to stop this interracial hotwife stuff,” she said. “I miss you and I want to get closer with you, without outside distractions.”

This hit me cold, and the reality that I like it as much as she does hit me. And that was going to change. My only response could be “OK, it’s your call.” She thanked me.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it, or role play it, or that I will never do it again,” she said. I left it at that.

So we're taking a break. A much needed break both physically, emotionally, mentally. We're reattaching to each other, because the lifestyle became too much a part of us.

It is not totally out of her mind. She still double takes good looking black men, still flirts with them, but we've taken down our ads on the swinging site, we're not pursuing anything. She has said "I wish I did have someone that would give me that release," but I get the feeling it would have to be spontaneous and he would have to basically stumble into us. If it happens, it does. If it doesn't, that's ok too.

This whole thing has never been an instead of, but more something new and different, something exciting--and for her it stopped being all of those.

I do suspect, and predict, that once she's had a good break, once our extended family crises are over and we can get back to normal, that her thoughts will drift back and there will be some playing. She has never said she wouldn't again, and at times said she would when she felt like it.

So this blog is going to take a different spin, after all it is, as the title says, a journey. We don't know where it ends, but we go there.

I will post when I have something to post, and in real time.


Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your break but it sounds like there is a good chance she will want to get back into it. I sure hope so. I sure enjoy your blog and all of the details you provide. So, happy to hear the door may be closed, but not locked. The first thing is your relationship and hopefully you will get your batteries re-charged and be ready to have another go at it.

Anonymous said...

We're doing the same thing. As the last fling was winding down she said that she wants it to be just us two for a while. I agreed that we needed a break to renew and re-bond and refresh. I don't regret it a bit-it can be pretty exhausting, even as fun as it is.